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Totteridge F.C. Official Website

RESURRECTION – stories & stuff dug up from the clubs past & given new life

If you have any amusing TFC stories you would like to share on this page please email them to


In February 2014 suddenly out of the blue we receive a phone call from a casting director saying they are filming in Totteridge and looking for some young footballers aged between 10 and 12 to appear in a TV commercial for Nisa Supermarket, what’s more, each player that appeared would get £180.00 for their time!  

WOW!! - fame, fortune and stardom!! .... until we realised they meant Totteridge in north London!!


The following spoof club 'statement' appeared on the our facebook page on the 1st April 2016 (that was the first clue) and at least 2 former team managers (think you can probably guess 1 of them, he is the subject of most of this page) fell for this little ruse:

"Due to Totteridge FC’s close connections with Beaconsfield based clubs over the past few years, where several of our teams have ‘buddied’ to fulfill mini conference fixtures, the club are pleased to announce a merger with Holtspur FC to form a new club.

As part of the agreement club shall play in white shirts and blue shorts with all matches played at White House Lane but Totteridge will retain the first part of the new club name, from next season the club shall be known as Totteridge Holtspur FC"



At the risk of having my chocolate rationed for breaking confidentiality, this story needs to be told to explain the origin of clubs plastic crown and the award of a Frankie & Benny’s meal for 2 on 13/12/14.  

Following 13 painful years of being overlooked at the club official award ceremonies (his support of Luton Town having no baring on this), in Aug 2014 long suffering Steve (whingey) Jackson [pictured with Sketch the dog, Steve's the one on the right] in a final act of desperation took his grievance to the clubs child protection officer, Louise:

“I know your role within TFC is child protection officer but as I look at myself as being a bit childish was wondering if there is anything you can do to help me with in my long time service with Totteridge FC about being neglected and forgotten about ... I don’t often moan [hah!] but from 2001 I have been putting up nets / driving kids to away games sometimes x 2 trips / running the line & being the ref / countless club meetings / meeting Anna the list goes on & on & on ..... this is beating me up ..... I so hope you can help."

In reply, Louise sympathetically wrote:

“Dear Steve,

This is a truly saddening account to read and I am glad you had the courage to approach me about it. Unfortunately it is all too common for people to be forgotten about and underappreciated, and those who have won multiple awards will never fully understand how it feels.

I will recommend to the club that you receive a plastic crown while the other members prostate in front of you. I will also remove and eat any chocolate Peter receives in the future in response to his breaking confidentiality.”

The moral of the story is - there is no such thing as a free lunch ........... unless you whinge long enough!

As news broke that Tony Adams had resigned as Wycombe Wanderers 1st team manager back in 2004, Totteridge Under 11's manager Steve Jackson put his name forward as a replacement based on that he hadn't lost  his last 3 games!
The following is a ‘spoof’ club statement that appeared on the TFC message board on 11/11/2004 .......
Since news broke yesterday (tues 9/11/04) of the resignation of Tony Adams from Wycombe Wanderers FC, rumours have spread through the Totteridge community in High Wycombe that the League 2 club have shown an extensive interest in a young up and coming team manager from Totteridge FC.

Although new to the management scene, Wycombe are reported to have been tremendously impressed by Steve Jackson who has led the under 11’s team to an exceptional 3 match unbeaten run in the league and also by his self nomination for the non-existent manager of the month award as this demonstrates his assertive qualities needed for leadership at a higher level.

Due to the current cash constraints at Wycombe Wanderers, it is understood that the board of directors are looking to reduce the clubs overheads and see Steve as a the ideal choice as he has already confirmed his willingness to work for peanuts (and a can of lager) but it is understood that negotiations are being held up over his extravagant request for a mixed kebab win bonus.

Club secretary Peter Jemmett denied that an official approach has been made but stated that the club would not stand in the way of any manager who wishes to progress into league football, he said "providing there is a financial reward, we will sell anyone". He also went on to say "a manager of Steves’ undoubted caliber would be a great loss to this club should he decide to take up this appointment, but if he goes, we will just have to get on with it and find some-one else to ridicule on the website".

Steve was unavailable for comment last night although his wife did say that he was far too busy playing pacman on his computer upstairs and it would be best to catch him when the pizza delivery man arrives.


Back in our first season 1996-97 we ran an Under 13’s who set all the club records for the wrong reason’s – heaviest defeat, most consecutive defeats etc . – a good bunch of lads though.

The team were managed by Tony Martin, slightly overweight and thinning on top, who had difficulty in giving the team some much needed self belief. In desperation to improve team morale and to fill some space the following appeared in the club newsletter, called the ‘Trafa Rap’ (‘T’ for Totteridge, ‘rafa’ the club sponsor and ‘Rap’ for loads of words) in Oct 1996 by yours truly ...........

There's only one man who's around,
who can take this team right off the ground,
His name is Tony and it's plain to see,
that he will lead us right into division 3.

Cos he's the boss man, and that's for sure,
he's go'ner leave the rest down on the floor.

He maybe big, and he maybe round,
but his tactic's are, very sound,
when thing's get hot, he's no-one's fool,
cos he's got no hair and that keep's him cool.

Cos he's the boss man, and that's for sure,
he's go'ner leave the rest down on the floor.

Now you may think, we're not that good,
that's not how I see it, from where I'm stood,
you've got to listen, on how to play,
and very soon we'll be on our way.

Cos he's the boss man, and that's for sure,
he's go'ner leave the rest down on the floor.


Over the years the club have organised several sponsored walks, none were any more important than the first in 1998.

The club took the decision mid-season to move into the newly introduced mini-football and this required the purchase of special goalposts amongst other things, with club funds almost at zero a fund raising drive was undertaken including an infamous sponsored walk organised by ex-army man John Ambrose. The following summary is taken from the club newsletter of April 1998 .........

The sponsored 'mystery tour' walk turned into a fun filled, rain soaked, mud packed day. Lead by "I know the way" John, using his vast army experience and boy scout woodland tracking handbook, he took us down well trodden paths (mainly by cows and horses) and not necessarily in the right direction, through ploughed fields and twice by the Green Dragon!

We passed by the the appropiately named 'Blind Lane' and 'Hard to find Farm' along the way, and all the kids found something of interest in every muddy puddle, usually another kid, while the Mums and Dads were left negotiating a strategically placed cow pat beside the stile.

To add to the fun Alan Burnard had even turned up in fancy dress, either that or he was going straight on to a German thigh slapping dance class, not that he need to, because when Caroline offered Michael a good spanking he could have joined the queue!

I could 'ramble' on and on, but I will only lose my direction (sorry John). On a more serious note, the walk was a tremendous success with a good turn-out of children and parents and was quite enjoyable once the sun shone. We have raised an estimated £700 plus, this is a superb effort by all concerned and far exceeds the amount anticipated.


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